This recently-engaged actress might be pissed when she finds out her new husband-to-be has more than one piece on the side. This actor is falling back into bad habits and this actress neglects her children. Can no one stay faithful anymore?

1. "This B- list foreign born always movie actor just recently got engaged to a very high profile actress. Does she know about the two employees he is sleeping with whenever he comes to town?" [CDaN]

2. "This actor has shown up for work on his new gig prepared and in good shape. Good news, right? Not so fast. We don't know how much longer that will last. There has recently been some slippage into some bad habits away from the set. This news has cast and crew worried that this could be a very short gig. His management is aware of the issue and is trying to get the star back on track. They know that he won't be winning many fans within the industry if he can't be relied upon for a steady paycheck." [Blind Gossip]

3. "This B list film and television actress is always bragging about being a mother to the press, but she might not be so good at it out of the spotlight. She's forgotten to pick up her child from school on more than one occasion and last week the child called her grandmother saying she was home alone and hungry. The child is under ten." [BuzzFoto]

This young actress hated her uptight diva costar so much she'd have loud sex on the set to upset her. This couple was a PR set up, but now she's pregnant. This actor got in trouble for getting too hot and heavy with a costar during a sex scene together. Sounds like everyone on set is angry all the time!

1. "Ever wonder what happens when you put a former B+ female tweener who gets her own first show and you mix her with a former B list television actress from a long running hit ensemble show who also thinks she is the star? You get several years of pleasantness on the outside and the worst conditions ever on a show on the inside. The former tweener had a huge ego. Coming off some movies and a very popular tween show she thought she was going to be the biggest star on the planet. She also had a very goody goody image on the outside, but on multiple occasions had more than one guy at once. She is also a huge collector of her own homemade porn.

The actress coming into the show who had been on the hit ensemble show also was a goody goody on the inside and out but it did not stop her from being a diva. She also could be the biggest bitch on the planet if you crossed her. As she told the tweener once after they got into a hair pulling fight, 'I learned from the meanest actress who ever walked onto a television set. You will lose.'

How about the times that our tweener would walk around naked when the actresses husband would stop by the set. 'Oops. I did not know you were here.' Not that she would ever normally have sex with him. She likes big, big, big guys if you know what I mean. However, to get back at the actress she would have slept with the husband who is also a B list movie actor.

For years the two never spoke to each other unless they had to. Knowing how prudish the actress was, our tweener would have wild sex as loudly and as close to the actress as possible even when her kids were visiting. She would even have sex in the actresses' trailer and have her companions leave their used condoms. It was a wild wild set and the two still hate each other." [CDaN]

2. "Add one more celebrity pregnancy to the list! This one is a surprise because their relationship was designed to be just a PR set up. They were scheduled to break up later this year. But they wound up becoming friends with benefits, and before you know it, she wound up pregnant. Although they definitely do not love each other, both care very much about their public image (which is why they were in a faux relationship in the first place). If they keep the baby, there will be a wedding.

They want to hold off on the announcement of the pregnancy until April even though she will probably be showing before then. In the meantime, they're going to have to rewrite that song: First comes PR… then comes baby in a baby carriage… then comes marriage. OK, maybe the song won't be a hit… but the baby will sure be cute!" [Blind Gossip]

3. "On a recent movie set, these two A/B list costars were acting out a pretty intimate sex scene for the cameras. A source tells us that one of the stars got a little too into the scene and began taking it too far. When the other person wanted to stop, it was too late and both ended up upset in their trailers for hours being talked down by staff." [BuzzFoto]

During the greatest sociological experiment of our time, we've seen our eight subjects in their natural habitat in New Jersey, in their adopted homes of Miami and Florence, but never have we seen them actually interact with, you know, nature. There is a reason for that.

Last night our hapless band or pranksters decided they would go camping. When Deena floated the idea, it was met with a resounding, "Guidos don't go camping." That makes sense. This is an urban race. Even from far back their ancestors come from the bulging metropolis of Rome. It has been thousands of years since they have had to live without the creature comforts of living in a cosmopolitan city. Well, Great Neck isn't really cosmopolitan, but it's on the LIRR, so you can get to New York pretty easily from there. But, you know, it's not rural.

In order to trudge out into the wild, the guidos first engage in one of the activities they are adept at: shopping. Yes, this is like their form of hunting where they go out into public and stalk things that are essential to their lifestyle. They don't kill them with bullets, they kill them with money. That is the guido way. They go to a camping store and buy tents and coolers and a toilet and some other strange stand up tent thing and take them into the woods and make a little tent city. This is how the guidos need to operate. Even when in the wilderness, they need to make some sort of cityscape in order to feel comfortable.

The Situation had the hardest time of all adjusting, paranoid that he would be crushed by a bear or eaten alive by a giant spider that has been crawling through the bowels of a mountain for the past ten decades. It's the sounds. The sounds that he just can't place. That is what is driving him crazy, like he's the most steroided-out hero of a Hitchcock movie (a Sitchcock movie?). He reacts by burning a tree that is still alive. This is stupid, as the other guidos point out. Not only will it be smokey and barely burn (without copious amounts of lighter fluid poured on it) but it is a destructive and aggressive act to the environment around him. Maybe it was some sort of sacrifice to the Duck Phone for abandoning it. Maybe it was a way to show nature that he is, in fact, the one in charge. Maybe he's just a stupid Beavis who wants to say "Heh Fire Fire Heh."

Then, in the morning, Sitch is rounding up everyone to leave as soon as possible. He can't take one more minute away from the sources of his strength, the gym, tanning salon, and laundromat. They clean up the extensive mess they made (seriously, how can six creatures make such a mess in the woods?) and head on their way. If there's one thing we learned, it's that guidos shouldn't camp.

Speaking of the Situation we had a Situation of the most Situationiest Situations. When he wakes up to discover Jionni alone, he asks him to sit down and chat and tells him, as a man, that he hooked up with his girlfriend. This was always a really stupid plan that the Situation seems to have concocted after one too many screenings of Deuce Bigelow: Male Gigolo. It really was the end of the world in that it didn't end with a bang, but a whimper. Jionni said, "OK, thanks for telling me," and then went back upstairs to tell his girlfriend what happened.

And he was laughing about it. Jionni has the exact appropriate reaction in this (har har) Situation. He sides with his girlfriend and doesn't believe the clown that thinks a guy will take his side over his girlfriend's. This probably has to do with the tying binds of Guy Code, but The Situation only evokes Guy Code when it serves his purposes. Still he thinks that if he appeals to Jionni, as a man, that he will get some sort of reaction. He does not.

The Situation, of course, thinks that he dropped some giant bomb that is going to change things in the house and he's just waiting for the explosion. However it never comes. He played his hand badly. He goes around telling everyone in the house what he did like he's a toddler showing off the giant turd he took in the big boy toilet. This whole thing is just so foul, and smells even worse than toddler turd.

The strange thing is that all the other guidos in the house think that Jionni's reaction is bad. Sammi thinks that he should be pissed. For her a man shows his affection through his anger, and if he doesn't fight with her, it means he doesn't love her. The boys think it means that he's cheating on Snooki. From what we've witnessed of Jionni, that doesn't seem to be the case. He's too mild mannered. They just assume that he is because they would be sleeping around. Maybe that means Jionni isn't, in fact, a guido. Maybe he's just a real person, because he acted like a real person should act in the face of the Situation's situation.

Snooki eventually does have a reaction to The Situation, but it comes much later after the group has a food fight. It starts innocently enough with the crew tossing food back and forth over Family Dinner, but Snooki soon finds an opening to take out all of her aggression on Sitch and they start just hurling food and condiments at each other. It becomes entirely personal.

This is so the guido way. They can never resolve their issues unless there is a prank involved. The wronged party has to prank the other one and, if the prank is good, then all will be forgiven. This fight is ideal for a guido resolution because both Snooki and Sitch feel wronged so they both get to "prank" each other with food.

Then Snooki uses the food dripping off her body to soil Situation's bed. We all know that in the guido culture the bed is an embodiment of the guido's soul, so for her to sully it like that is like attacking his very essence. It just gets worse from there and we see this screaming match above.

Nothing is ever going to be resolved between these two. It's classic he-said-she-said. We'll never know the truth and they've both behaved horribly. They should evoke the great guido concept of "neutralizing" and say that the harm they've inflicted on each other voids itself out and move on. No one cares about this anymore. The Situation needs to find a new way to feel important, because this just isn't working anymore.

Speaking of pranks there was a strange altercation last night between Deena and Joey, the boy she's been sweating all summer. Last time we saw them at Karma, Deena was all up in his grill about if he really liked her and he got so annoyed with her that he called her crazy and flirted with another girl. She said she was "done." We all know what that means.

Apparently, somehow, they started talking again. Why he would call her after she freaked out on him, I have no idea and why she would continue to humiliate herself by calling him, I also have no idea. I just don't know with this. Why is Deena calling boys anyway. Why can't she just be a happy lesbian? Why?

She sets up a date with Joey but wants to make sure that he's not just using her for sex. When is that ever a problem for the guidos. They're always using each other for sex. That's part of the culture. Why does that have to change? I think that Deena has a bit of relationship Stockholm Syndrome because all the other girls have boyfriends and now she feels like she needs one too.

But everyone in the house, for some reason that is never made quite clear to us, thinks that Joey is wrong for Deena. That seems to be true, considering he has so far treated her like crap, but it's almost as if they know something they're not telling us or not telling Deena. What is Joey's big secret? Did he have a threeway with Vinny and DJ Paulie Debauchery or something?

They set up a date, but then Deena decides that she doesn't want to go, because all of her housemates hate him so much. When he gets there, he calls to tell Deena he's arrived. What, he can't knock on the door? This guy is a supreme asshole. So, first DJ Paulie Dejected and then JWOWW get on the phone to tell him that it's over and Deena is sick and he is an asshole. Oh the strange ways in which the guido clan churns. We'll never fully understand it.

As we saw earlier pranks are a way for the guidos to settle their differences, it is also a way for them to get respect. That is when when everyone else goes camping Vinny and DJ Paulie Disser stay at home. Mostly it's because guidos don't camp, but it's also because they want to play the ultimate prank.

After thinking of some ideas they come up with the brilliant scheme of literally turning the house inside out and putting all the inside furniture outside and all the outside furniture inside so that when everyone gets home, they will be shocked, amazed, amused, and maybe a little bit pissed. They're moving out in a few days anyway, so who cares if they have to pack up all their possessions. They'd have to do it anyway.

It's a brilliant move on DJ Paulie Deception and Vinny's part, another example of why they are such a sterling couple. It's also the perfect objective correlative of Jersey Shore they took the things that were happening inside their house and put them outside for all the world to see. And they took the things from the outside (like fame and attention) and turned them inward, as if we wouldn't notice. This is the world we live in now, with a hammock in the living room and our beds on the room. It's an empty house that is cluttered with furniture we can't really use.

This is how they'll leave the house, confused and convoluted. With us knowing as much about them as they exit as we did going in. And when the last dresser drawer was set and the last inch of astro turf laid down, DJ Paulie Done and Vinny surveyed what they had done, the brilliant mess they had created, and for a moment they were happy. Then it woke them out of their smug trance, the honking of their household god, The Duck Phone. It blurted out its mutant call, bringing them to his attention, lording itself over them, calling them to action. "Do you think it's them?" DJ Paulie Destiny asked. "I don't know who it is. It could be anyone," Vinny replied and they just looked at it, not sure what to do. In that minute, Vinny felt more alone than he'd ever felt in his life, knowing that this would all be over soon. The crew would come back and see their handiwork and they would be gone the next day. It would all be over, this thing he loved so much, all these friends he made and respected and thought were just hilarious. The fights he had and the assholes he worked for. It would all be over and he didn't know what was next, what he would do with himself. He loved the opportunity he had and hated it for spoiling him. He would never get so rich having so much fun again. Never. And he wondered if this was it: the peak. If it was all down hill after that. Just as he was about to give in to anxiety and despair, the doorknob turned, and something wonderful was coming in from the other side.

This Jersey Shore guido is spending all his cash trying to get in good with this has-been actress that he's always had a crush on. Meanwhile, this actor has a second career as a loan shark. These two might have business together soon.

1. "What Jersey Shore star has been spending every penny he makes trying to impress one of his actress crushes from back in the day. She is now a C with A list name recognition, but the guy thinks she is at her back in the day prime (did she really have a prime?) Anyway, he coughs up dough and follows her around and she keeps demanding more. He has upped his fee for appearances just so he can keep up with her financial demands. He does say the sex is good." [CDaN]

2. "This actor has developed an interesting side business. When someone within the entertainment industry runs into trouble and can't pay off an expense through their regular accounts, this rich and powerful actor discreetly lends them the money at a very high interest rate. Need to pay off your pregnant jump off? Need to keep your house out of foreclosure? Need to square things up with your bookie? This is your go to guy. Some might consider the interest rates on the loans usurious. But for those who are able to keep their names out of the tabloids, their butts out of court, their creditors off their back, and their spouses in the dark, his services are priceless." [Blind Gossip]

This teen sensation gets off wearing his famous girlfriend's lingerie under his jeans. This young star had two abortions last year. These three celebs bought their own engagements and these two actors are having problems with public drunkenness. That's probably worse than private transvestism.

1. "This young megastar has a secret kinky obsession with his actress girlfriend's lingerie! The clean-cut teen, who likes to wear his sweetheart's frilly panties under his low-riding hip-hop jeans, was recently caught going through his honey's G-string collection. Who is he?" [National Enquirer]

2. "This former A list tweener has had two abortions in the past year. Hopefully it does not add to her personal demons." [CDaN]

3. "In a case where one half of a couple makes substantially more than the other, who pays for the ring? Well, in the case of these three engaged couples where the woman has the bigger paycheck, it certainly wasn't the future groom.

The first couple went directly to the jeweler and cut a deal for a very impressive diamond sparkler. They worked out an arrangement where the couple agreed to make x number of mentions of the jeweler in the press for a 50% discount. Then the female half of the couple paid the balance in cash.

The second couple tried harder than anyone to try to talk multiple jewelers into a free ring. When no one would agree to the freebie, she simply turned to her future fiance and said, 'Here's the money. You know what I like. Now, go get me the biggest fucking diamond you can.'

The third couple knew ahead of time that they were getting engaged, and she knew exactly what she wanted. Because she likes to control everything, she picked out the ring in a secret private buying session with the jeweler, where they settled on a price. Then she later gave the money to the boyfriend, who went to the store to pay for the ring. Of course she pretended that she had no idea that there was a ring coming, that she was thrilled with her fiance's taste, and that she was so impressed that he paid for the ring himself.

So, when you see those shining baubles on the ring fingers of these lucky stars, you now know that in all three cases, the future groom didn't have to lay out his own cash… but that he still gets to look like he's a generous man with good taste." [Blind Gossip]

4. "Which hunky Irish actor – he's supposedly clean and sober – was spotted boozing it up at a Cirque du Soleil performance in Los Angeles? The star stumbled into the men's room and swayed back and forth as he tried to relieve himself!" [National Enquirer]

5. "Which Academy Award-nom­inated actor's drinking has gotten so out of control that his A-list co-star had to sit him down and tell him to cool it? The boozer didn't take home an Oscar, but he sure did raise eyebrows while drowning his sorrows at the Vanity Fair after-party!" [National Enquirer]

6. "What music superstar is singing the blues over his soon-to-be ex-wife's threat to write a tell-all book about his dirty sex secrets? Turns out that the 'irreconcilable differences' she cited in her divorce papers were code for addiction to porn and seedy low-rent massage parlors!" [National Enquirer]

7. "Which B list always movie actress was introduced to coke by her sisters who are also famous. Their favorite game was watching their not even teen sister get high on coke. That turned into an addiction which turned into a nose job. A not very good one, but her acting career has not suffered." [CDaN]

8. "What A-list actress, who's currently going through legal battles with her partner, has actually asked friends to make untruthful and damaging claims about her ex? Apparently she wants him out of the picture so she can move out of the country." [National Enquirer]

This up-and-coming actor is talking to an A-list thesbian who is trying to get in our young man's pants. So far no luck. This celeb has a sex tape and this young star's mom is talking all about her daughter's sexual conquests. She has lots of luck!

1. "So, this very solid A list movie actor who has rocketed to almost A+ status in the past year has had a series of gorgeous girlfriends. Back to back to back they have been B+ or A list actresses. Anyway, it seems that our actor is not above getting a little male action on the side. Never a main course, but always on the side. He also prefers them younger than him. Our actor has been sending e-mails to a brand new A list actor who is just getting started with his own franchise. The two actors have been communicating, and even gone out once or twice, but so far the young actor is resisting the advances of the A lister." [CDaN]

2. "This newest celebrity who is only famous for being famous, (and really only became so because of the internet) is constantly hatching plans to stay in the limelight. Don't worry fans, she's got a sex tape all cooked up and coming your way!" [BuzzFoto]

3. "She's not a regular Mom. She's a cool Mom! When her daughter has a gig, she doesn't just show up and clap. She parties hard with her daughter's friends until the wee hours of the morning. And when Mom's partying, she and her mouth get totally out of control. On a bender last week—and while her daughter was on the other side of the room—she regaled a large group of people with the most intimate and disgusting details of her daughter's sexual conquests. She told stories about a famous singer who thought her daughter was beautiful ('He likes to take the virginity of his groupies!'), an heir to a family fortune ('Good thing he has a handsome face, because his penis is really small!'), and a slimy actor ('He likes the back door, and he said that [my daughter] was the best sex he's ever had… and he's had everybody!'). It's nice to see a Mom so proud of her her little princess." [Blind Gossip]

This tween star is always fighting with another tween star over boys. This actress has been in a string of abusive relationships and this is the worst yet, and this musician's career is being ruined by booze and drugs. Now that would be a first.

1. "This could turn out to be a tweener catfight. You know even , when you are a tweener, there are apparently jealousies and lots and lots of sexual backstabbing. So, this former A list female tweener (No Love) has not said two words directly to this also former A list female tweener (Not So Innocent) despite having to sometimes work together. It all goes back to when they both were on the same network. No Love used to hate how goody goody Not So Innocent was or at least pretended to be. Turns out that Not So Innocent was the queen of the quickie when it came to oral and No Love felt like Not So Innocent should have the horrible reputation. So, whenever Not So Innocent liked some guy, that is who No Love went after. It is how she ended up with her long term relationship which just ended. Of course No Love ended up looking trashy during that too which killed her because she waited forever before she even had sex with the boyfriend while Not So Innocent was with anyone and everyone. If not for the fact one of these tweeners is not a fan of women, she would have probably had the whole family. Not So Innocent's current boyfriend was deciding between No Love and Not So Innocent at one point, but No Love, as much as she hates Not So Innocent, could not stop laughing everytime this current A list tweener opened his mouth to speak. So, he made his second choice. Well, actually third, because his second choice ended up in rehab after they had sex." [CDaN]

2. "We've written about this B/C list young actress before, and she's no stranger to strange relationships and abuse. However, we hear that her current relationship with an older man is extremely abusive and if she doesn't get help, she might not survive this one. Unfortunately, she has little to no resources or a good support system. We sincerely hope it isn't true!" [BuzzFoto]

3. "He used be a genuinely nice guy. Serious about his music, surrounded by people who cared about him, kind to his fans, grateful for his good fortune. Then he surrounded himself with an entourage of users and hangers-on and everything changed. The members of this entourage are very versatile. His drummer is also his drug dealer. His bodyguard parties with him and engages in Twitter wars for him. The models double as escorts. The rest of the party crowd uses his name to hawk their wares, everything from jewelry to drugs. He doesn't mind. It makes him feel popular. Then there's the slimy actor pal who has quite the impressive track record of ruining young lives (and is about to add one more to the list).

Thanks to his choice of friends, the formerly wholesome singer started doing drugs last year… and hasn't stopped since. He now drinks every day and parties every night. The party usually starts around 4 PM, the shots of Patron start at 8 PM, and then it's constant drinking and smoking cigars and drugs until 4 or 5 or 6 AM, even when he's scheduled to work the next day. As he gets more and more loaded throughout the night, he likes to rail about how much he hates his life, how much he hates his family, and about how he's the one who really deserves the success one of his band mates is now experiencing.

He's going downhill fast. He's been blowing off writing sessions and missing rehearsals. The rest of his group (who genuinely do care about him) make excuses for him and reschedule rehearsals again and again. He doesn't seem to care about anything except the alcohol and the dr*gs and being the king of his party entourage. He even ditched a charity event last week because he decided that he would rather go party in Miami. He has nothing but contempt for his fans (he makes fun of them and tells them to "get a life"). And all that smoking has completely ruined his voice. Yes, he used to be a genuinely nice guy. Now he's just an ungrateful, jealous, bitter alcoholic with a smoke-ruined voice, surrounded by users and losers, hating his fans, hating his life. We know you're reading this. Get help, dude." [Blind Gossip]

Just like a Us Weekly cover story in super fast motion, Snooki is not only pregnant but she is also engaged. It's all the life milestones at once! Then why is she being so cagey about it?

Yes, Snooki has yet to confirm (or deny) either the pregnancy rumors or the engagement scuttlebutt, but tat this point both seem like forgone conclusions. She's probably waiting for someone like Us Weekly to come along and pay her for the story her engagement pictures.

Anyway, People reports that she and her finace Jionni LaValle (who she met while taping Jersey Shore) are going to tie the knot. This time it's for real, not like that time she told the press that it was inevitable and they reported her as engaged. I guess it makes sense that the first Jersey Shore wedding would be of the shotgun variety.

[Image via Bauer-Griffin]

Despite several trips to rehab, this young star is still hitting the substances really hard. This Hollywood tutor has been seducing his famous young charges for years. No wonder some turn to drugs.

1. "Just a few short weeks ago this underage star stood on a table in a club screaming 'Shots! Shots! Shots!' and downing alcohol until she could barely stand. The alcohol was purchased for her by her much older boyfriend. Then she went and did line after line of cocaine in the bathroom. The cocaine was provided to her by her friendly neighborhood drug dealer (with whom she got matching tattoos). Despite having completed rehab in early 2011, it was clear that our party monster was once again out of control.

So, in January of 2012, she went to rehab again. It didn't last long. Less than a week, then she was pulled out to go back to work. Of course, that strategy didn't work, so in February, she checked into rehab yet again, this time at a different facility. Based on the seriousness of her alcoholism and coke addiction, her doctors recommended a six-month stay. She was pulled out after two weeks.

It doesn't take a genius to know that you can't rid a drunk, cutting, eating-disordered, bi-polar cokehead of her demons in two weeks. This poor girl has had so much emotional trauma in her life that there is no quick fix to her problems. She needs intensive help over a long period of time. She also needs to purge herself of all of the enablers and liars and sycophants who surround her on a daily basis and exacerbate the problem.

Yet, there she is, back at work, smiling and performing for her fans and pretending that everything is great. She is also promoting a television special on—wait for it—how she has stayed strong and sober and sexy for the past year. It's not about genuine recovery. It's about PR. There will be no mention during the special about her severe relapse and her health scare and the two more stints in rehab this year. Those were 'vacations' and 'retreats.' Unfortunately, as long as the lies and the hypocrisy continue, so will her disease.

She needs to take a solid six months off to do nothing but get well. The fact that she is constantly being yanked out of rehab and thrown back into the work force because so many people and shareholders rely on her income is both disgusting and sad. Shame on the mouse. Shame on the moonman." [Blind Items]

2. "So, as you may know, when you are a minor and on a film set or a television set, you still need to go to school. Well, to take care of that thorny issue, tutors are hired and pretend to work with the children until they can be called back to the set and work. I wrote about one tutor way back in the day, but wanted to tell you about a guy who was a particularly vile guy. He died not too long ago and he took the virginity of about half a dozen celebrities you would know but all told he probably did the same thing to 50 or 60 teens. It might have been more. No one ever did or said anything about it. One time one actress complained and she was fired. Another time an actress told the tutor that she actually had lost her virginity to an actor on the show so the tutor made up some thing about the actor and had him fired. The tutor did not like to share. The tutor would eventually be accused of sexual assault or he would get some girl pregnant and he would move on to another studio or another employer. He never had any trouble getting hired.

One actress who was A list back in the day when the tutor slept with her and is now probably a B- with some big time tabloid relationships in her past once said the tutor slept with every teen under 16 on the cast of her show. To do that he must have been very busy because there were about 100 teens that walked through that show at some point.

This actress who was B list at the time it happened and on a very hit network comedy show says the tutor is the reason so many of her relationships now are so messed up and that she started taking drugs to ease the pain. This actress had one more middling show after the first. The second was a spin off. As a point of reference she also said that after the tutor had sex with her, her co-star (A list at the time and now a reality C) and very famous user of women had sex with her too almost everyday even though he would sleep with different women at night.

More recently, the tutor made his way through several networks which cater to children. He found lots and lots of teens there. His most recent assault, because lets face it that is what they are, happened on the set of a very hit tween show. Like very very hit tween show which is still airing. The second lead female co-star had just turned 17 when she was assaulted by the guy. She complained to the head of the show who had been a television star himself and he fired the tutor. It turns out the tutor had sex with two of his former co-stars on a hit network show back in the day." [CDaN]

Something serious and sad is threatening the greatest sociological experiment of our time: couples. Yes, it seems like everyone is paired up and Snooki is even expecting Jersey Shore's first virgin birth. Haha. Just kidding. Snooki's no virgin. And Situation got Vinny pregnant when he touched the smush bed anyway. That was the first.

Yes, as Deena so astutely pointed out—and, as scientists of these guidos I'm disappointed I never noticed—that all the women in the house are members of a couple, except her. While the guidettes are always looking to settle down with one man, the men are horribly averse to it, which is why they are all single and out at the club trying to prowl women who can be convinced, for a night, that they want to settle down with them. Or they're just too slutty to care. Either one.

Alright, before we can look at the act of coupling, let us look at the newest editions to our ever-expanding guido lexicon:

• Toodle-Pants: The state of extreme inebriation where one must escape to the comfort of her (or his) bed and pretend to disengage from the group for reasons of regaining sobriety that is never attained.
• Chess Piece: Someone who has been played. This is a pejorative and describes someone who has been fooled by someone else. However, evoking the game of kings (or is that polo or something else?) gives the indication that the person who has been played is being played for some greater scheme. Since we are dealing with guidos who can't think past their immediate urges, this is never the case.

So, Deena is pissed that everyone is in a couple and she has no single girlfriends to fuck...I mean, hang out with. Instead she always ends up going out with the guys, which is fitting because she's always socialized like a guy anyway.

Even Vinny and DJ Paulie Divorced hate the idea of all the couples in the house. That is what has forced them to start behaving like a romantic couple even though they are not actively homosexual. Actively homosocial, yes, but not, as of yet, putting the poles in each other's holes. They've even noticed that, on the unrare occasions when they do bring girls back to the house, the smush room is occupied. This thing was created to facilitate randomly hooking up with people who don't live in the house, but is now taken up by the likes of JWOWW and Roger, the mayor of Seaside Heights; Sammi and Ronnie; and Snooki and Jionni.

In fact JWOWW is planning on celebrating her one year anniversary with Roger in the smush room. But before she can put on her classic patented JWOWW Titsling (inventor and kraut) and scatter the room with rose petals and bondage gear (see, I've been telling you all along Mayor Roger is into some serious BDSM mind games) Vinny and DJ Paulie Disruption pull a prank.

As we've learned time and time again, the guido's bed is the window to his (or her) soul. However they all share an essential animus that is collected in the smush room bed. Vinny and DJ Paulie Debilitate decide that they're going to take that soul out of the smush room, thereby breaking up the couple's haven that is preventing them from getting laid.

The problem is, the couples want to have it their way, and as quickly as the bed is pulled out, JWOWW pulls it back in and couplifies it with her rose petals and clone-a-willy kit (so she'll have something to keep her occupied while Mayor Roger is hard at work on his reelection campaign).

Part of Deena's problem with the couples' dominance of the house is that she badly wants to be in a couple herself. Ideally, she'd like to be drunkenly making out with Snooki the whole time. Didn't you see the "I [Heart Sign] Girls" T-shirt she wore with two girls making out on it? If you asked Deena she'd be like, "Oh, it's just a joke. I don't mean it. I love boys. I really do. Look at Joey." Yes, Deena is trying to throw herself into a couple to be more like the women in the house, either in an attempt to make the housemates think she isn't a lesbian or to get closer to the women so that they'll feel comfortable making out with her.

The problem with Joey, Deena's intended target, is that he is not at all interested in hanging out with her. He calls her and sets up tentative dates at the club, but he's acting more like a friend or someone who signed a waiver to have his face on television so he feels like he should make the most of it and get the screen time while he can. Joey is not at all interested in hooking up with Deena, who seems completely oblivious to this fact because she filled her basket only with his eggs.

It's sweet that her housemates have Deena's best interests at heart, but when they fill her head with their assumptions that Joey isn't interested, she brings it up to him repeatedly at Karma, and annoys him so much that he completely disses her and goes back to his girlfriend talking about how crazy Deena is. Oh, Joey, you damn bastard. You probably didn't even know the cameras saw you put your arm around that girl. Now you are a busted villain and everyone knows. Hope that girl wants to be with you forever.

The Situation is also in a couple, but it is with the only person he loves: himself. Because he has to be alone, and likes it that way, he continues on his devious plan to break up Snooki and Jionni. At this point The Situation looks more like Gargamel than ever. He's just a big old meanie with a balding head and bulbous nose who is constantly trying out some insane plot in order to obtain his objective, but his objective, like catching a Smurf, is totally silly. Even sillier, however, is that he can't achieve even the simple goal of luring one tiny little girl who is an unnatural color into a trap. Each time it just devolves into comic ineptitude.

The plot goes something like this: The Situation is going to tell Snooki's boyfriend Jionni that he hooked up with Snooki. He's going to have The Unit there to confirm that the hookup took place. Apparently when a guy tells you something that may or may not be true and that he won't necessarily want to believe, having the guy's best friend there to clarify the story is going to help. Can you get behind this warped logic? You shouldn't because it makes no sense. Of course The Unit will say whatever Sitch says is true. I wouldn't believe either of them. I wouldn't believe Sitch if the ghosts of Ghandi, Mother Teresa, and another famous person who worked in India were there to vouch for him.

Sitch finds out that Jionni is going to be at Karma with his whole family (this is a strange guido tradition we've never seen before) so Sitch calls the Unit so they can have a confrontation in public. When Snooki sees Sitch and Unit sniggering and sneering like Snidely Whiplash and his dog Muttley she knows something is up and blows off Jionni's family so they can get out of the club.

After their escape, Sitch decides he's going to take the fight back to the house. However, The Unit is incredibly inebriated (or conked out on other substances) and isn't even making sense as Sitch walks him back to the house explaining his plot for Snooki domination like a real cartoon villain so that the audience at home knows exactly what he has planned. The Unit does nothing but nod and pass out on his feet so when they pass a cadre of cops, they pick The Unit up for public drunkenness or something else.

Of course the plan is ruined because Sitch doesn't have the Unit there to back up his truth and he goes home saddened, not that his friend is in jail, but that he once again got out-smurfed by the smurf and her smurfy smurf.

Speaking of strange creatures, we had a reemergence of that creature known as Trash Bags last night. When the guidos traveled out of the Guido Triangle made by Karma, Bamboo, Aztec, and the Beachcomber (yes, a guido triangle has four sides) and went to Janks, they ran into their former roommate who once went by the name Angelina before her great public humiliation.

Ew, gross. There is nothing more despicable than Trash Bags. But this proves something very essential about guido sociology. Even if someone is kicked out of a tribe, it doesn't mean that he or she is kicked out of the race altogether. It looks like Trash Bags has found another tribe to embrace her, one that runs parallel to the guidos we follow, but not necessarily with them. To continue with the geometry metaphors, they're like two sides of a parallelogram, which will never meet except when another line bisects the both of them.

Oh how sad Trash Bags was that night, though. The Jersey Shore would never be the same for her now that her initial clan has rejected her. It's so hard for her, to see their antics followed around by the warm embracing glow of the spot light, while she is at the same clubs, doing the same things, throwing herself at boys and looking for any bit of meaning her outlandish behavior. But she ruined it. It's gone for her. She will never feel that terrifying and intoxicating illumination again, except when it scans by her as one of her former housemates rushes past her, barely even bothering to stop.

She'll go home at night, remembering that little bit of warmth, that passing ember. She'll take out her extensions and hang up her booty shorts. She'll crawl into bed alone without the soft billowing buzz of the night-vision camera capturing her slumber. She's just alone, in the dark. Just another girl at the shore. Just another girl who had it all once and lost it. Just another girl who would never get out, who would be cramming into crowded share houses for the rest of her life. Just another girl, staining her pillow with tears.

This comedian got out of a speeding ticket by making a rather funny joke at the cop's expense. This actress was abused as a child and now likes when her boyfriends get rough. That's no laughing matter.

1. "This well-known funny actor is known to enjoy a drink or two over the course of an evening. While driving home (sober) after a recent dinner in Southern California, however, he was pulled over for speeding. The officer walked up to the driver's side and asked the actor for his license and registration. The actor put on his trademark smile and asked the officer "Don't you recognize me?" The officer replied, "Yes. Now show me you license and registration anyway, Funny Man." Uh oh. This did not bode well for our actor. He produced the documents, but continued to smile and engage the officer in conversation, hoping that he could establish a rapport and avoid a ticket. The officer looked at the documents and then looked at the actor.
"Have you been drinking tonight, Sir?"
"No. Why?"
"Because your eyes look a little red."
The actor couldn't resist asking a question in return.
"Officer, have you been eating donuts tonight?"
The officer, visibly annoyed, said "No. Why?"
"Because your eyes look a little glazed."
The officer stared at the actor for a few seconds, then burst out laughing. The actor got off with a warning, and the officer went home with a good celebrity story to tell." [Blind Gossip]

2. "This former B list television actress who was on a really big hit network show just a couple of years ago now just seems to float mindlessly and flit between boyfriends. She comes from a broken home and abusive home. Her dad used to beat her and get into bed with her. Her mom just let it happen because she was being beaten herself and did not want to provoke. Well, now the actress who is still very young only seems to date boyfriends who are abusive and willing to hit her. Her last boyfriend (former A list athlete with B list name recognition) was so scared that he would kill her he broke up with her. Her new celebrity boyfriend does not punch nearly as hard but seems to love it. Probably getting out his anger because he is closeted." [CDaN]

Jason Segel, the sitcom star who is just dying to make it big in the movies, luuurrrrvved The Muppets so much that he convinced Disney to bring the franchise back and cowrote their recent movie. But now that he's popular in Hollywood he's too big for the Muppet's planned sequel.

Vulture reports that Segel is just too busy with all of his other projects to write the movie, which now falls squarely on the shoulders of his cowriter Nicholas Stoller. While Stoller is slaving away at a laptop at a Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf somewhere in L.A., Segel will be filming How I Met Your Mother, promoting Five Year Engagement and This Is Forty, and writing some other screenplays. Oh, he still might step in and star in the thing once all the hard work has been done. That's real nice of you, Jas.

[Image via Getty]

This award-winning performer went crazy on the DJ at a club for playing a disco remix of one of her departed friend's songs. These married (not to each other) celebs, who had an affair in the past, are planning a project so they can get together again. This A-lister never learned his driver's name. That sounds par for the course.

1. "One of my favorite all time divas has herself quite the mouth. She also has certain beliefs about what songs should be played and what songs should not. Our diva used to be A list back in the day and is probably still and will always be a B list. She is also a nominee/winner of the big one. Anyway she was at a club and this disco version of a classic song comes on. Our diva goes over to the DJ and starts screaming at him. Oh, this is after she has hurled a cocktail glass at him and the glasses of all her companions. 'Don't you ever play that fucking song again. If you do, I will have you fired. She is turning over in her grave.' She then went back to the table and did a line of coke." [CDaN]

2. "These two performers had a hot fling years ago. Now they are both 'happily' married to other people… and they are having another hot fling with each other! They are very quietly trying to book a project together so that they will have a legitimate excuse for spending time together. If they succeed, watch for them to express surprise that the other is committed to the project as well, to express only mild pleasure that they will be working together, and to act like it's no big deal. If their spouses knew what was really going on, though, believe us, it would be a very big deal!" [Blind Gossip]

3. "This source comes from the driver of a long time A list actor. According to the driver, it took twenty years until the actor actually asked the driver what his name was." [BuzzFoto]

There's a bigger, better, badder trailer for Marvel's summer tentpole The Avengers. It looks good. It looks so good that every comic book nerd out there (myself included) is popping a tentpole. But the real questions is, will they fuck it up?

The trailer looks good, but it was never a question that the styling and effects and all that jazz would be good. That's the easy part. There are some spectacular feats in the movie, like the Hulk grabbing Iron Man and ripping through a building at the same time. The whole thing looks awesome.

But then, in the final seconds of the trailer, we see a big evil monster come around the side of the building and its the same sort of metallic blur that has infested all of the Transformers movies and will give you a headache not only from looking at it, but from pulling your hair out over its idiocy. It's like with every trailer that comes out not only do I get excited, but I get nervous thinking that there's no way that Hollywood isn't going to fuck this up for us.

Still, it's written and directed by Joss Whedon, and Marvel has a half-way decent track record with turning their franchises into films. Maybe I should trust them? Maybe I should let go and stop being nervous and just die a little bit of excitement? Oh, but it's so hard to fend off disappointment. Maybe if the next trailer has a Renner or a Hemsworth or an Evans or even a Johannsen with a shirt off it might make things a little easier. Maybe.

This Oscar winner blames an on-set injury for why he can't please ladies in bed and another actor had a week-long sex romp with a Real Housewife, but was too stoned to get hard. This friend of Whitney's is back on the drugs and this actress is offering to sleep with directors for work. Let's hope some of the takers aren't limp.

1. "Which handsome Oscar winner always has beautiful girlfriends but can't please them in the sack? The handsome actor blames his lackluster performance in the bedroom on an on-set injury he sustained while making a film – and lucky for him, he's so drop-dead gorgeous the women in his life haven't seemed to mind his inadequate performances." [National Enquirer]

2. "When this reality housewife was sharing the details about her sex week with this A list movie star. What she forgot to mention was that the reason was it lasted an entire week or weekend was because it took almost that long for the actor to get ready to perform. Our Housewife was very imaginative in thinking of new ways to make him performance ready but the drugs really made that difficult." [CDaN]

3. "Which former Whitney Houston love interest professes to be clean and sober while in grief for the late superstar? But truth is this person has NEVER stopped boozing and has secretly been getting smashed every night since Whitney's tragic death." [National Enquirer]

4. "This big-time celebrity who just had a baby is loving motherhood, but is having all sorts of trouble with her body. She's frustrated her figure didn't magically snap back into shape and she's hired a team of experts to help her look even better than before her pregnancy. Her doctor's are concerned about her diet and plans (which involve surgery) but she is determined." [BuzzFoto]

5. "While many people use Oscar parties as an opportunity to network, this well-known film actress just took it to a whole new level. After a few drinks, she started getting very bold in her approach of directors who might be amenable to hiring her. Even though she is only in her thirties, she is concerned that her offers are going to slow down as she ages, and she wants it to be known that she is willing to do whatever she needs to do to continue to get cast in good projects. To that end, she would walk up to a director, playfully throw an arm around his shoulders, and pose the following question: 'So, who does a girl have to fuck around here to get a job?' Fortunately for her, more than one director answered, 'Me.'" [Blind Gossip]

6. "Which legendary British singer has cut off his son from receiving any of his hard-earned cash? After a recent club gig in New York, the son, also a performer, actually passed a basket around to collect money for his band." [National Enquirer]

7. "Which hip-hop mogul likes to give his plus-size mom and aunt his exclusive American Express Black Card to go on carte blanche spending sprees in New York City? The only problem is that the hefty ladies hit up swanky boutiques that never carry clothes in their sizes." [National Enquirer]

Davy Jones, the dreamy British member of manufactured Beatles rip-off The Monkees, died from a heart attack this morning at his home in Florida. He was 66 years old.

The Monkees started in 1966 when television executives wanted to create a comedy show about a real band. They cobbled together Micky Dolenz, Michael Nesmith, Peter Tork, and Jones, who was the cute one all the girls were supposed to fall in love with. Thanks to the show the band had a string of hits like "I'm a Believer," "Daydream Believer," and "Last Train to Clarksville." The show was cancelled in 1968, but the band continued making music (with some lineup changes) until the mid-'70s.

The band found a new generation of fans when Nickelodeon, still a fledgling channel that hadn't coined its own tween starts as of yet, started rerunning the series in 1986. The band started performing again and Jones was even doing solo concerts just a few weeks ago. He's survived by his wife and four daughters and plenty of middle-aged and twentysomething fans who like a jazzy song framed by some ridiculous slapstick humor.

[Image via Getty]

This star ruined an Oscar party when she drunk dialed her recent ex and found out he was with another woman. This celeb hates his famous brother-in-law, this couple has really loud sex on set, and this tween got busy under a table at an Oscar party. Maybe that is what our first star was crying about.

1. "This former A list model and currently a reality star and single was not really ready to mingle. After getting way more drunk than she usually does she started making some calls and ended up calling her ex. Turns out he was out with someone. Well, actually because of the time difference they had already been out. Now was just the cleanup stage. Our model broke down in tears." [CDaN]

2. "This famous brother does not get along with his famous brother in law. He recently keyed his car after a family party because the two had been playing a ping-pong game that got out of hand." [BuzzFoto]

3. "Sometimes stars have their significant others come visit them on the set at work. Such is the case with this acting couple. She came to his film set for a quick visit before hopping a plane back to her own film set. It was nice day, and the two of them went inside and shut the door. You already know what happened next: Fifteen minutes of noisy, trailer-rocking sex! Now, this wasn't some quickie in a private place. This was a trailer, parked on a city street, with the windows wide open, and the two of them moaning so loudly that anyone within thirty feet could hear them! The actor's bodyguard (who was stationed outside the trailer) was clearly embarrassed, and did his best to make sure that civilians were staying far away from the trailer, but there was nothing he could do about the crew members who were lingering nearby, enjoying the sexy entertainment. What is really odd to us is that people who know this couple have told us in the past that they are a PR setup and that the two don't even like each other! So either they were putting on a very realistic performance to convince others that their relationship is legit … or they are now serious eff buddies." [Blind Gossip]

4. "This former A list tweener kept up her one person bucket list of sexual experiences to try. She pouted and emasculated her soon to be very close to A list movie star boyfriend, but now just a B- until he agreed to have sex with her under a table while people were sitting there. Very loud party. No bathroom sex for her. 'Been there done that. Gross.' This will be revealed." [CDaN]

While ratings were up for what some consider History's Worst Oscars that doesn't mean it's a big winner. No, it seems like the Grammys telecast just a few weeks ago scored an even bigger audience.

39.3 million people watched the Oscars last night, which is up 4% from last year's insufferable telecast hosted by James Franco and a Vaseline smile with legs named Anne Hathaway. This year's show added 1.4 million viewers and is also the second highest rated telecast since 2007. Not too shabby.

Still the Grammys clocked in 39.9 million for its telecast on February 12. That's probably because the Grammys have done the smart thing and gotten rid of all the boring awards and just have the world's most famous pop stars (and girlfriend beaters) perform extravagant production numbers. Good strategy.

This is the first time that the Grammys has outranked the Oscars since 1984. While it only scored 600,000 more viewers, it had a 14.1 rating amount the 18-49 year old demographic that advertisers crave (because their souls taste better) compared to the Oscars' 11.7. Just like the host of the show and most of the winners, turns out only old people care about movies.

[Image via Getty]

This actress was sobbing backstage at the Oscars because she didn't win an award. This actor wants to give an aging diva a TV show, this rapper scored drugs off his now-dead girlfriend, and this actress had an author beaten up because he was going to write a book about all the men her famous husband slept with. Now that is poor sportsmanship.

1. "It must be difficult sitting there in front of billions of people waiting for your name to be called. It must be even more difficult when it isn't. This actress did a good job pretending to be happy for the winner of this award last night, but behind the scenes was a different story. She was seen in a corner of the bathroom being consoled by a friend for her loss. While she was not wailing or screaming in a dramatic fashion, there were definitely some tears and some nose blowing going on. One of them was also saying, "It's not fair… it's not fair!" although we honestly don't know if those words were uttered by the actress or the friend who was helping her. The good news is that she did manage to pull it together enough to attend more than one party during the evening… plus there's always next year." [Blind Gossip]

2. "This A list mogul and A list television and movie actor wants to sign one of the original divas to a new show. She was an A list singer and a first class diva but is now just a struggling C lister. All of his coworkers say no because the singer is all diva and no acting anymore. She has become a cartoon." [CDaN]

3. "What C list wannabe hip hop singer/and 'actor' scored drugs for his now dead ex-girlfriend before she died?" [CDaN]

4. "What C list television and movie actress had an author 'mugged and beaten' because he was going to reveal all in a book about her B list movie actor husband and name all the names of every male celebrity he has ever had sex with." [CDaN]

As someone who loves the Oscars, movies, and awards shows in general, I have to say that this year's ceremony was the most boring in modern memory. It seemed like the whole night was mired in Billy Crystal's mediocre nostalgia and nothing got to shine, except Meryl Streep, which shouldn't be a surprise at all.

First of all, let's talk about the sound. Apparently host Billy Crystal's hearing aids were causing some sort of feedback so that for most of the broadcast the live sound from the show was creating some kind of aural shadow, like someone's annoying ring tone was continuously going off in the next room. For "Hollywood's Biggest Night," you think they'd have enough technicians on hand to fix such a major and annoying glitch, but no. The Oscars can never fix its major and annoying glitches.

Speaking of Billy Crystal he started off the shows just like you knew he would, just like he did the previous nine times he's hosted the show. First there was a taped segment where he inserted himself into some of the big movies from this year (though how The Adventures of Tintin ranks as a big movie I'll never know) and then with a musical medley where he changes the lyrics from famous songs to be about the Best Picture nominees. I remember back in the day this was fun and a source of at least minor amusement. This time it fell flat. It seemed dated and stale and not only were the songs unrecognizable, but the lyrical changes were uninspired.

Then the ceremony did something even more inexplicable than having Sheila E and some violin lady playing their hearts out in the balcony: it did a montage of movies right after the first commercial break. This is the height of the show, when people have yet to tune out of the broadcast or go to the next room for more chips and salsa never return and we are given a montage just of great movies. In past years they have done compilations of sci-fi or film noir or even trains in motion pictures. This year it was just vague stuff. It was a collection of catch phrases to remind the public at home who is watching a show honoring movies that there are these things called movies that you can go to and they are, often times, really great.

And if that wasn't enough, all night we got famous actors telling us about how much they love movies. Don't you think we know that? These actors love movies so much that they're fucking making them. Everyone at home loves movies too, especially if they're watching the Oscars. Having famous people tell the Oscars audience that movies are great and we should go see more of them is sort of like sending Mormon missionaries to go knock on doors in Salt Lake City.

Yes, we got Cirque du Soleil whipping men about the Kodak Theater (if only one of the wires had snapped sending a man careening into Stacy Keibler, a wrestler who somehow ended up in the front row of the Oscars) and a little sketch by the Christopher Guest comedy crew that was a little winning. We had Emma Stone do a great job as an eager presenter and Gwyneth Paltrow do an awful job upset at Robert Downey Jr's stupid documentary crew. We had the cast of Bridesmaids making dick jokes and Zack Galifiniakis and Will Farrell cymbaling their way to victory. We had former host Chris Rock (and his mini afro) telling us how fucking easy it is to make a million dollars doing animation voices. We had Billy Crystal who was a servicably bland host whose only funny joke was picking on Nick Nolte, who looked like Colonel Sanders the day he fell asleep in the sun or a meth dealer at a retirement home.

As for the awards themselves they went to a bunch of French movies. The deserving The Artist took home five trophies including Best Picture, Director, Actor and a couple of other ones, but all of them French. Hugo, about a young boy who lives in a train station in Paris, also took home five statues, all in the technical categories. Christopher Plummer won for a long career and Octavia Spencer won for what will hopefully kick off a long career (but wither Mo'Nique or Mira Sorvino?). Jean Dujardin won for the only English language film he'll probably ever make (until James Bond needs a French villain) and Meryl Streep won yet again.

Yes, Meryl Streep won. I kind of want to be a little upset about this because The Iron Lady is such an awful movie, but she really is the greatest actress out there and her acceptance speech was so winning and perfect and heartfelt. You can't hate on Meryl Fucking Streep. You just can't.

But like so much in the show, her was was so obvious. It's all so safe. It's all so, well, old. It's like those girls in costumes handing out olde tyme snacks down the aisle during the commercial breaks. It's like trotting out Billy Crystal for another go round. It's like giving all the trophies to Harvey Weinstein and Martin Scorsese and all the other old white guys. It just reminds us that it's the same sad song and dance every year. This year the dance was a lot slower and more boring, but it will be back again next year, when we set up all the same pieces and start to waltz again. We wouldn't know what to do otherwise. And while this year's dance partners will be as quickly forgotten as a mediocre meal, we have to do it again. It's what's expected, it's what we love, it's an annual tradition. Yet again we'll wish the tempo was a little bit more brisk, even though it never is, but even that is a sad comfort from our boring lives.

Here is the list of the winners.

• Best Picture: The Artist
• Best Actor: Jean Dujardin, The Artist
• Best Actress: Meryl Streep, The Iron Lady
• Best Supporting Actor: Christopher Plummer, Beginners
• Best Supporting Actress: Octavia Spencer, The Help
• Best Director: Michel Hazanavicius, The Artist
• Best Animated Short: The Fantastic Flying Books of Mr. Morris Lessmore
• Best Short Documentary: Saving Face
• Best Live Action Short: The Shore
• Best Original Screenplay: Midnight In Paris
• Best Adapted Screenplay: The Descendants
• Best Original Song: "Man Or Muppet," The Muppets
• Best Original Score: The Artist
• Best Visual Effects: Hugo
• Best Animated Feature: Rango
• Best Documentary Feature: Undefeated
• Best Sound Mixing: Hugo
• Best Sound Editing: Hugo
• Best Film Editing: The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo
• Best Makeup: The Iron Lady
• Best Costume Design: The Artist
• Best Art Direction: Hugo
• Best Cinematography: Hugo

[Image via Getty]